The Battle of Shia Heights

2/17/05

So, you think nothing really looks good about Keanu Reeves' new horror-action flick "Constantine." Well, you can turn that frown upside down because putting the teen in "Constantine" is 18-year-old wunderkid Shia LeBeouf, star of the Disney Channel original series "Even Stevens." Let's take a walk down LeBeouf lane in appreciation of señor Shia.

"Holes" - 2003

LeBeouf played the lead in this Disney flick based on Louis Sachar's novel. "Donnie Darko" writer-director Richard Kelly offered a screenplay for this film, but it was deemed too dark for Disney, and so Sachar wrote the script instead.

"Dumb and Dumberer" - 2003

Without Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels or the Farrelly Brothers, this "what the hell were they thinking?" prequel had no redeeming qualities - except, of course, for the LeBeouf, who single-handedly made it better than one of the Farrellys' more recent creations, "Shallow Hal," as if that were hard.

"The Battle of Shaker Heights" - 2003

Ah, the most recent "Project Greenlight" movie. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon give wannabes the opportunity to make a legit Miramax flick. This year's contest winners, Kyle Rankin and Efram Potelle, stink up winning screenwriter Erica Beaney's script with three-way hugs and stupid license plates. Good thing LeBeouf plays the lead, Kelly. That scene where he throws cans at Shiri Applebee is so freaking boss.

"Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" - 2003

This utterly pointless sequel, directed by some weirdo named McG, pretty much made a certain viewer vomit. But when Shia LeBeouf appeared on a motorcycle, I totally ate my vomit back up and was totally stoked. Yum.

"I, Robot" - 2004

The only thing more important than Will Smith's "vintage" 2004 Converse -get it? 2004! That's like totally the year this movie came out! It's totally blowing my mind! - is LeBeouf as the wisecrackin' sidekick. The dude gets to shoot a machine gun at some robots.